As a young girl, I was told I had Turner's Syndrome, a female condition of infertility. When my husband asked me to marry him, I had to explain that I wanted children, but would have to adopt in order to have children. We both agreed that when the time came, we would ask for adoption.
Our first adoption was asking for a baby. Four years later we received our daughter. Then when she was two, we applied for a child and the only specification was that it wasa boy.
Seven years later our son came, a total of nine years after our daughter.We were excited and now had our family and had our son. Soon after we knew he was difficult. He was fussy, but did nap. He had to have his routine and made you know it if was altered, He did sleep at night though and napped. He was a little slower at some things, walking, saying bigger phrases, and toilet training. He was very bright and noticed everything. at a young age he read signs off city buses and fished a lot and did all the baiting and unhooking that needed to be done, he also fixed his day care provider's TV when he was four.
He was a demanding toddler. To get his energy out we took him to the McDonald's playground where he had many friends. Then school started and we started really seeing the difficulties. He had a temper and frustration rose fast. We loved summers. We started seeing professionals when he was five years old, and have been through several diagnosis and A LOT of medication changes. As parent's we learned how to structure our life, so he would be able to maintain.
We used home day cares, because they were more structured and we wanted a more home-like environment for him. We were blessed and found very good, stable day care. Education became very frustrating, because he just didn't fit the mold that public education asks for, and we had to fight for every change we got. You would have an IMP, but at times seems like it never was read.
As a parent, we had to be an advocate and fight for our son. We didn't know what to do, so we had him hospitalized, and his meds were changed again. It would work for a while, but never stick. The aggression was still there and getting a little more, but home and summers were a lot better than school. The only thing the one hospitalization did do is get us some support. We got some respite care and that was great.
Our daughter attended college and we apologized to her many times over, for the help she did. We never dreamed until she was gone all the help she gave us. It was helped just having another set of eyes, hands, just another body withus... We never realized how much it helped. We love our children, and always tell them how much we love them. When she left for college, I think that was also a hard thing for him. He missed her deeply. He is imaginative, has a great sense of humor, is smart and very caring. Our son is the neatest boy around, but his illness is cruel. If he didn't have an advocate he would be lost, so that is what we had to be. He never questioned what we did, even being in "day care" in seventh grade. We could never NOT have day care.
But the thing we didn't bank on was puberty. In sixth grade he bloomed in six months--literally going from boy to man, and it totally took him and us for a loop. We went back to the hospital during sixth grade and had the diagnosis of Asperger, which did finally fit what we were dealing with. Then he hit seventh grade and going from elementary to middle school (a big school with 1,500 kids) blew him out of the saddle. We didn't make it, but the school didn't give him a chance either.
I don't know why we have to fight so much. We had a diagnosis, but still meds weren't working like they should. As seventh grade continued and got worse and worse, we finally got a tutor to finish, then he was getting sicker and sicker and everything that use to work didn't, even fishing. He used to spend many hours in the summer fishing anywhere he could find water. So the hardest thing we had todo was send him to the hospital again and then he was so sick that he got into legal trouble and ended up from the hospital to juvenile detention.
The best thing, however, is that he got to Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch, because of them,we finally have meds regulated and we now are working on the frustration and acting out. The one thing is, he is so stimulated by other behavior that he has to learn to control it. We have been a close family, and have done a lot of neat family trips. He loves his sister, and she loves him. They love the times they take together. We love our son and hate the illness he has. That is what you as a parent have to do, separate the illness from the person, or you would go nuts. He does work to have his pass to come visit with us, and we can't wait to have him back with us.
The hardest thing about our son getting so sick, and we knowing that we had to do something…is that we had to temporarily release the parental rights, until he comes home again. That was very hard on us. We didn’t adopt a child to give up on. We are so happy we are allowed a lot of say [at the Ranch], and NEVER want him to feel we have given up. And I know he doesn’t.
Submitted with permission…by a loving Mother and family
